The MEP Report is first to report on this exclusive. Sources have discovered that Jon, of Jon and Kate plus 8, has an illegitimate son. Most news reports have covered Jon’s affair, and others have picked up on his new girlfriend (way to waste no time at all, Jon…). However, MEP report contacts have informed us that the affair was not just a one night stand! “I could have handled that,” said Kate to a friend, “a simple affair would have been fine…but when I heard he had another child, making his total nine to my eight…I just couldn’t stand for that.”
MEP Report photographers have acquired this exclusive photo.
Poor guy. No one wants to mock his unjustified celebrity anymore. What did he ever do to deserve this? I mean, other than riding on the coattalis of his famous mother, and stealing other comics’ material…
A year ago, I took Senavene to the post office. She was strapped to my front wearing all pink, half covered in a pink blanket, with a pink pacifier in her mouth. Why? We were given LOTS of pink, I swear. I put “yellow please” on the registry, but I don’t think anyone paid attention.
Anyways, what did the teller ask me? “How old is he?” How old is HE?
After 14 months of this, I can honestly say I don’t care that people continue to call her a boy. I’m told it’s common for babies with very little hair. Most moms tape a bow to their daughter’s bare heads. But honestly I don’t care. I simply respond by telling them how old she is. I’m more fascinated by how someone’s brain would ignore all the social clues in the form of pink paraphernalia and use the male pronoun. Not only that, they quite often also say that “he is really beautiful.” I can’t blame them. I mean she is gorgeous.
Sent image to Wilhelmina kids, but no response...sigh, there's goes her College Fund
But again, I digress. My question is: are most people stupid or are their brains on auto-pilot and make errors because there is no gender neutral pronoun? People can’t say “how old is it?” That would piss any parent off. So, they either need a gender neutral pronoun or come up with some convoluted phrasing that sounds weird — “how old is your baby?” “Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?”
So to continue the sexism, SNL came up with a skit focusing on MALE bald babies. Because don’t we all feel bad for the bald male babies?
Pay no mind to creating something for the poor, misunderstood FEMALE bald babies. Well not any more, thanks to the mental prowess of the fine people at Baby Bangs. So, which one do you think we should get? We’re taking votes. I think I’m liking “Fairy Tale Flowers.”
For those of you who are good parents and don’t let your child(ren) watch t.v. or who have no child(ren) and therefore you don’t watch kids shows, then you may not know that Sesame Street knows where it’s at. They know that adults are also watching and therefore plan accordingly. They have Hollywood and sports stars do cameos. Elmo tosses in little jokes and puns that only an adult would understand.
Many other shows, on the other hand, do not, and this makes for either annoying or embarrassingly funny moments. Hence, this post thanks to the show “My Friend Rabbit” that our Tivo recorded thinking we might like it and that I watched, then deleted before showing Senavene because it’s retarded and stupid. But before deleting it, I made you a little edited clip. I hope you enjoy. Whether you see what I see and giggle your *&$% off…or you don’t see what I see and enjoy the educational cartoon…either way…enjoy. Please note, that if you are one of those that sees what I see, I highly recommend watching it again and again, each time catching more little silly moments fitting the theme.
I’ve heard there’s an uproar about Nadya Suleman having octuplets. So, as the resident MEP mother I thought I should weigh in and risk putting my hugely opinionated, extremely feathery opinion out there. However, I don’t want to single out Suleman. Yes I know she’s mentally unbalanced and will soon channel all of Storey’s and Russ’ tax money into more Angelina Jolie lip implants (this should be reason enough to dispise her for ruining my bisexual Jolie fantasies). However, that’s not why we should be alarmed and therefore we should not only focus on her.
Groundbreaking research out of the University of Iowa today has confirmed what many have long suspected: most babies are clinically depressed.
A shocking 83% of babies have been found to have the hallmark symptoms of a newly identified strain of depression. The numbers may be even higher among infants.
“When you think about it, it makes sense,” noted Steven Bernard, MD, part of a team that led the study. “Most people are able to cope with the struggles of life without breaking down crying multiple times a day. Babies are notorious for being unable to demonstrate these coping skills.”
Greg’s post reminded me of an old gambit I used to have called The No-Crud Bureau. This was something I made up in high school as a receptacle for all the junk that people would come up with (often in academic studies) that was so obvious as to defy description. And was somehow instead passed off as a stunning revelation.
I guess these days it would more likely go by something like the No-Shit Show, but I didn’t swear at that point in my high school career. The swearing would come later, with the jading experiences and the pathological liar and the hey-hey-hey.
Why would people who tend to have trouble continue to tend to have trouble? Isn’t it more likely that their trouble would suddenly vanish for no reason? Wouldn’t their magical conversion to the age of majority instantly convey a restart of all past indiscretions?
I’m glad people spent the money it costs to track 3,500 people for 40 years to give us this scintillating information. Much better than trying to cure cancer or something inane.
Well, I wasn’t banned, I was kicked out. And well, I didn’t meet one of the requirements of the group: members must attend a get together within the first 30 days of joining. But I was busy Mepping!!!
So now I’m left having to try to meet moms at the park. I feel like I’m trying to pick them up:
“You live around here?”
“Come here often?”
“Know of any fun things to do around here?”
“So, can I have your number?”
Sigh…I need to start a dating service for stay-at-home moms. Ewomb.com
