I must admit I hadn’t expected a reply of any kind from a fellow Mepper, though I considered the possibility that some Brandeis alumns might disagree (though, as Storey points out, the vast majority of Brandeis alumni are as annoyed about this as I am)–but I must say I was pretty flabbergasted at Storey’s take on my post about the closing of the Rose Museum.
Einstein, a key figure in Brandeis’ founding, would have approved of this move.
Consider this my spirited rebuttal to Greg’s post from Monday.
Brandeis University e-mailed its alumni on Monday, January 26th to inform them of the decision to close the Rose Art Museum. This immediately struck me as a brilliant and courageous move to cut dead weight at an institution reeling from faith in the stock market and the fallout of the Bernie Madoff fiasco. Over the course of the next week, I learned that I was pretty much the only almunus in university history who felt that way (though surely there must be some alumni on the unanimous Board, no?) and that everyone was in a fervor rarely found among Brandeisians not discussing Israeli-Palestinian politics. What happened?
This Superbowl Sunday, as you’re huddling into your inflatable beer chairs with your Tostitos NachoMan helmet strapped firmly to your attentive brain cans, know this:
You are about to spend five to six hours watching an event in which you will see approximately twelve minutes of actual sport.
The rest of the time you will be a semi-conscious participant in the real event of the day. For, this day, America’s largest and most prestigious corporate advertisers will line up and attempt to sell you useless shit that you don’t need in a mind-bogglingly extravagant cavalcade of shilling.
The more I think about Brandeis’s new scheme, the angrier I get. So I’ve crossposted this entry from my personal website here. Nothing particularly funny about this situation, but I felt this needed to be said:
Scientists have recently discovered evidence of an immortal species of jellyfish. Apparently these little suckers revert to an adolescent phase after mating, and can do so ad infinitum. And you laughed at me when I said I was going to live to be 400!
Take heart, friends. It is now only a matter of time before we unlock the cellular secrets inside these Holy Hydrozoans and sell their special genetic heritage in an easily digestible liquid capsule that also serves as birth control while providing instant male enhancement.
By my watch, only another 65 years or so before we are all forever-living, constantly aroused quasi-squids, living in stasis tanks with wi-fi ready electrodes hooked up to each and every tentacle.
Kudos to HG Wells for figuring this out a century ago (minus the Cialis angle).
A guy tried to pick me up the other day and it was so bad that I thought I would share how bad it was so that others can learn from his mistakes.
1) Do NOT try to pick up a woman while in a Pizza Hut line inside a Target.
2) DO notice that she is buying two individual size pizzas and is carrying a huge bag of diapers.
3) Do NOT try to pick up a woman while you are wearing a sleeping 1.5 year old in a carrier strapped to your front.
4) DO know that she helped you pick up the dollar bill you dropped because she thought you were a fellow parent and understood your situation. She did NOT do it to give you an opening to hit on her AND when she realizes that you took advantage of the situation to lure her into a conversation, she will NOT be happy. You don’t want to make momma unhappy.
5) Do NOT try to pick up a woman by asking her “Do you know any good restaurants around here,” followed by, “Do you know where this conversation is going?”
6) DO note that her wedding ring glitters brilliantly in the fluorescent Target lighting and she’s not just wearing the ring because her husband would be pissed if she wasn’t. She’s also wearing it to send a message to men just like you and the message is not “come hither you hunka hunka…ooo, is that an Ergo?”
Okay, I’m sorry. I’m sure this is a nice guy, and I’m glad he’s getting a chance to live the dream. But do you seriously mean to tell me that none of the other 11,999 entries into the EA Sports Jersey Creator Contest measured up to this design? Was it the “bullet-hole chic” which pushed this over the edge?
Seriously, a half-drunk Craig Sager could come up with something more stylish than this.
