Who knew that the Late Late Late Show Host actually knew how to run a serious interview? Very surprised at the quality of this piece, especially given how rarely Torre allows the media access.

Originally posted on The Fresh Scent.

To get a sense of what the enhanced version of this otherwise craptastic Ben Stiller movie might sound like, look no further than this history lecture by former University of Florida Professor, John Hall. Unfortunately, he’s a former professor now because the University got wind of this command performance and immediately dismissed him from the faculty.

That doesn’t seem particularly fair. Apparently the University of Florida operates on the ’stoning for being a stoner’ philosophy. Code of Hammurabi? Duuuuuude…

Originally posted on The Fresh Scent.

Like a hungry stoner scavenging through the kitchen cupboards for a stray graham cracker, the US Border Patrol has found its resources sadly lacking recently. Amidst administration demands for more recruitment and hiring, the Border Patrol has turned to a tried and true tactic of depleted armies throughout history — conscripting children.

The Explorers Program, a Boy Scouts of America affiliate, trains the pubescent in the art of raiding dens of iniquity, seizing illegally imported goods, and patrolling barren wastelands. In the words of a California sheriff’s deputy involved with the program:

This is about being a true-blooded American guy and girl.

While it’s unclear what his hermaphroditic reference is all about, it does seem like a wonderful opportunity for these kids to participate in the formative experience that is pepper-spraying a starving immigrant right in the eye socket. That kind of invaluable interaction will really put some hair on the chests of our next crop of soldier-kids.

Urrgghh. Again.

Dear Minnesota Twins,

You are now 3-22 in Yankee Stadium since 2002, thanks to three more losses over the weekend in each of which you had the lead and then decided it would only be right to give the game, through a host of hideous scoring squanders, pitching mistakes and fielding errors, to your aging, average opponent (despite its having spent 400 million in the offseason) which needs only your presence to feel good about itself again.  Since you seem incapable of rising above the standard of gutless incompetence which characterizes all of the sports teams in your city, we would very much appreciate it if you immediately disband and allow professional teams to take your place.  You know, the ones which don’t fall on their swords the minute they see a pinstriped uniform.

Sincerely,

Every other team in baseball

P.S. Oakland Athletics: please see above.

Quick hit informational video about the SWAT reform movement.

Here’s an in-depth analysis of the inane world of Twitter. Enjoy…

Full-Sized View

Update: As the ever-vigilant impartial-ist, here’s a terrific editorial from TechCrunch on the presumed death of RSS in the face of Twitter’s conquering of the real time sphere.

Absolutely freaking brilliant…and dead-on accurate.

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As ‘Fun, Watchable’

I received this flyer in today’s batch of junk mail. Apparently, there is now a (paid?) service that allows you to be a litigious dickhead even in the context of your fantasy baseball league.

On the one hand, this feels like proof that we finally have spawned too many attorneys in this country. On the other hand, I do like the idea of service industries evolving to the point that they exist only in digital contexts. It brings me one step closer to my dream of being a full-time, paid, fantasy baseball commissioner.

So torn!

A National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ) press release announced today that Geraldo Rivera will be inducted into its Hall of Fame next month.

This would be a very nice accolade if it weren’t for the fact that Geraldo Rivera founded the National Association of Hispanic Journalists.

In other news, the Moustached House of Douchebags Hall of Fame will announce this year’s inductees next week. Fingers crossed, Geraldo.

I realize I’m a little late to the party on this one, but it’s still too good to pass up…

“Gone.”

My two favorite things in this clip…

1) It seems that ‘Cancer’ is Glen Beck’s Power Word. Don’t be anywhere near him when he says it.

2) When Beck asks for help, some dipshit producer ambles over so she can get a closer view of the prone David Buckner. Unfortunately, she has no skills to bring to bear on this situation… or in any other, for that matter.