Resurrecting this old Mep relic for your enjoyment. This was a copy of an online dating profile that I had authored to see what kind of reaction a completely contrarian (and wildly cranky) profile would get.

Hi and welcome to a brand new manifestation for mepreport.com. (TMR). TMR started at the end of 2005 as a way for three old friends (from the Brandeis debate team) to keep in touch with each other. Nearly every week, we’d all log in to Teamspeak and shoot the breeze for hours and hours. At some point, some knucklehead starting recording and posting these conversations. The rest is history.

We now have literally hundreds of hours of free entertainment for your media consuming pleasure. Feel free to listen to a podcast episode (a one hour radio show which could be categorized as a “talk show” or “improvised comedy show”), watch one of our videos (originally created for promotion of the podcast), check out some Mep Art (cover art that accompanies each released episode), or read articles written by various Meppers. The choice is yours.

Since this format is brand new to us, we would love any feedback or criticism that you may have for us. Feel free to e-mail at any time to ask questions or make suggestions for improvements. You can find our contact info in the left hand bar.

Thanks for visiting,

The Emu

There’s a general consensus on the internet that MVP 2005 (EA Sports) is the greatest baseball simulation ever created. Apparently, someone at EA chiseled a digital Rosetta stone that translates the grand old pastime into grand old pixels.

I have devoted the better part of my 20s to mastering this game.
The hardest difficulty, MVP Mode, requires such precise timing and patience, that I won’t start a game unless I’ve put myself in a true Zen State. Only a daily ration of bananas, Original Restaurant Style Mexicana Chips, and the finest Brita filtered tap water can put me into this rarefied mental zone.

And though my Owner’s Mode Chicago White Sox have won six consecutive championships (yes, this represents over 1,000 full games
played) and sport a winning percentage in the neighborhood of .850, I have not yet reached full achievement. You see, Owner’s Mode involves building a brand new stadium up from scratch. And the funds required to do this must be procured through a glorified Lemonade Stand-style game. Every hot dog, retro jersey, and women’s pregnancy team t-shirt must be priced and marketed to perfection. Every collectible calendar magnet giveaway must be precisely timed, and player payrolls kept in check.

And despite six seasons of unprecedented dominance, despite a roster of Proto-Gods who routinely hit .390 with 80 home runs and 200 RBIs per year, despite an entire rotation of Brendan Fraser/Steve Nebraska clones from The Scout (1998), I somehow have failed to capture the imagination of the city of Chicago.

You’re right, EA designers, $35 a ticket is simply too much to ask to see the greatest assemblage of ballplayers this side of Jesus Christ’s Annual HOF Invitational Softball game above the earthly firmament. Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me? I can’t sell out my stadium? What, in the name of Moses Fleetwood Walker are my digital Chicagoans doing with their free time? Is their some new SuperCrackoin epidemic in the 2012 Windy City that saps people of the will to go outdoors? Someone please tell me, because I’ve just defeated the rival Twins 23-2 to complete my ninth consecutive series sweep and no one seems to care.

Pass the bananas. It’s time for another futile attempt at immortality…

Vegas Baby Vegas!, Vegas sucks!, Vegas is tremendous!,
The Tale of the Poker Highlander, The Tale of the Galaga Highlander, Mentally Challenged Roleplayers, Just Do More Heroin, and Tokenphilia.

Download Mep Report #109

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Former Senator Ted Stevens has been an internet punching bag for some time now. This was our attempt to get in on the Stevens-bashing action after the bribery scandal and indictment that marred his re-election campaign.

The video didn’t take off the way we had hoped, but it was insanely fun to produce.

Lying Mothers and the Babies they Wield, Generic Chieftain Man and the Bear God Puku-Puku, Male Angst as Motivation for Human Sacrifice, Baseball as Religious Methadone, Aztec Hippies, and TMR Defeats MLB Attorneys in Pitched Battle.

Download Mep Report #108

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A quick little nod to Josh Hamilton’s performance in the All-Star Game’s Home Run Derby. Little did I know the firestorm it would create. MLB Advanced Media (i.e. Major League Baseball Attorneys) had YouTube take the video down for trademark infringement. I then sent a counter notice which persuaded the MLB legal team to reinstate the video.

The entire affair was recorded for posterity on Professor Lawrence Lessig’s blog…

The Big Fireworks Lobby, How Businesses are Oppressed by Native Americans, The “Put That Shit in the Sky,” Plan, Flying Plasmas, How the Black Market is Your Friend, Greg and Clea Fly their Conservative Flags High, and Baldness as a Gender Identifier.

Download Mep Report #107

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The Wilson Baby Rocks the DPS, John McCain as a DragonBall Z Character, Shopping for Homophobes, Classic Rock Pwnage, Neil Young Loves Trains, the Mind-Boggling Success of “Daft Hands,” and How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take Down?

Download Mep Report #106

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A random moment of inspiration caused the realization that the lore behind Iron Man is disturbingly similar to that of the Tin Man. So, I tried to meld the concepts a little.