A Florida mayor, apparently nostalgic for Nazi Germany, has lobbied to criminalize the wearing of baggy pants in his town. Last year, Riviera Beach mayor, and assumed facsist, Thomas Masters, convinced 72% of his constituents to pass a town ordinance that fined baggy pants wearers to the tune of $150. Repeat offenders can earn larger fines and even mandatory jail sentences.
Riviera Beach officials consider baggy pants to be part of a culture associated with drug dealing and other criminal activity. Apparently local police have found it too difficult to effectively prosecute laws already on the books, so they have taken to locking up those citizens without pre-approved wardrobes.
An unusually sane Palm Beach judge has already ruled the ‘Saggy, Baggy Pants Law’ unconstitutional, but Mayor Masters isn’t giving up so easily. Reports from his administration indicate that he is considering future proposals to criminalize slang speech, wearing crooked baseball caps, and driving while under the influence of 50 Cent.
Richard Fleihr, 21, son of WWE Hall of Famer, Ric Flair, was arrested Sunday when officers found heroin inside his car. Apparently Fleihr was setting up for his patented double-axe handled syringe-injector suplex, when a Charlotte police officer executed a dramatic wrist lock immobilizer.
Though this was Fleihr’s first recorded smack-related arrest, he had been booked on a DUI less than two months ago, and was driving without a valid license. When the arresting officer pointed this out, Fleihr raised his hands to an invisible crowd and shouted “Wooooo!”
Out of abject frustration, I wrote this ditty about my fantasy baseball team. It is sung to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”
On the first day of injury, my roto-squad gave to me…..
A Smoltz shoulder surgery.
On the second day of injury, my squad gave to me…
A Duschererererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery
On the third day of injury, my squad gave to me…
A Carpenter Pectoral,
A Duscherererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery.
On the fourth day of injury, my squad gave to me…
A Ricky Romero flame out
A Carpenter Pectoral
A Duschererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery.
On the fifth day of injury my squad gave to me…
a Tiiiiired Daisuke!
A Romero flame out
A Carpenter’s Pec
A Ducherererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery.
On the sixth day of injury, my squad gave to me….
Big Vlady Can’t Swing
A Tiiiiired Daisukeeeeeee!
A Romero flame out
A Carpenter’s Pec
A Duchererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery..
On the seventh day of injury, my squad gave to me…
A Thome back spasm
Big Vlady Can’t Swing
A Tiiiiired Daisukeeeeeeeee!
A Romero flame out
A Carpenter’s Pec
A Duschererererer Elbow
and a Smoltz shoulder surgery…..
On the eight day of injury, my squad gave to me…
A decrepit Travis Hafner
A Thome back spasm
A Vlady that can’t swing…
A Tiiiiiiired DAAAAAAIIIISUUUUKEEEEEEEEEE!!!
A Romero flame out
A Carpenter’s Pec
A Duscherererere Elbow
AND A SMOLTZ SHOULDER SURGERRRRYYYYYYY.
For more on chronically injured ballplayers, see this Mep Video.
According to Kotaku, any visitor to ESPN’s main page can input the legendary Konami Code and turn the world’s premier sports website into a haven for frolicking unicorns.
Unfortunately, it seems that ESPN has caught on and disabled the code. I’m sure some Contra-nostalgic web designer is being shit-canned as we speak.
Serious Emu points go to the first person who can find another website that responds to the Konami Code.
Once again, Ron Paul, deity of reasonability, is putting the swine flu mania into perspective. Yes, he tries to sneak in some subtle shots against ‘socialized medicine,’ but at least he’s not using a manufactured media panic for political capital.
From 2008 to 2009, I worked as a segment producer for BoingBoingTV. Both an incredible learning experience and a non-stop sprint from week to week, I managed to try my hand at producing, music direction, animation creation, script writing, and a bit of improv. Though it ended, as many good things do, I look back on the time with great fondness and appreciation for what I was able to absorb.
During my time there, the small crew of three to five BBers created over 150 episodes. Over that time, BBtv was featured in CNN, the Guardian, Yahoo!, Digg, and won several Webby awards.
This music video, brought to you by Indonesian rock band, SIGIT (Super Insurgent Group of Intemperance Talent) reminds me a bit of Nick Cage’s Lord of War.
As you can tell by recent Mep postings, baseball season is just starting to really heat up. In honor of this weekend’s inaugural Yanks/Red Sox series, here’s a strange fan made video from the Star Wars Universe…
Somebody needs to tell the creator that Vader’s mask isn’t an articulated mouth. That effect creeps me out.
Behold, the cleverest man in Major League Baseball. King of jugglers, fire eaters, tongue curlers, and eyelid flippers everywhere, Tim Wakefield has made his professional sports career out of a parlor trick.
Wakefield is a sports anomaly. An aging, average-build pitcher who subsists solely on the basis of a trick pitch that he has mastered. He has literally improvised his way from mediocre AAA first baseman, to MLB mainstay.
Wakefield achieves all of this by virtue of his knuckleball, a pitch that is flung via fingertip to achieve nearly zero ball rotation and use the surrounding weather conditions to determine its final location. And so he thrives pitching in the dreary, rainy, windy climate of Boston.
It’s a pitch that can baffle the most skilled and coordinated people in the world. It has been known to throw off the timing of an entire team for weeks after dealing with its bends and dives.
Needing only a mere flick of the wrist to release the knuckler, Wakefield has the ability to pitch every two or three days, more often than a normal hurler. Wake can pitch in any situation, foul up the timing of virtually any hitter, and compete in a World Series caliber rotation.
The knuckle flick has earned Wakefield tens of millions of dollars in his 17-year career. In other words, it’s the world’s most valuable stupid human trick.
