Give a Man a Quarter and He Can Play One Game, Teach Him to Write in Basic and He Can Feed a Village (Really), They Don’t Make Video Games the Way They Used To (and Get Off My Lawn!), Russ Can’t Help Falling In Love…Again…, Is This the Text That Launched a Thousand Ships?, How Rabbits From Certain Places Can Help You Recover Your Voice, How Many Meppers Does It Take to Get One Mepper a Date, Angry Pictures are Angry, and Chemistry = Not Fat.

Download Mep Report #126

This wiry broad (band) was created by digi-artist Kasey Mcmahon. If she were mine, I would call her Anne of Green Cables.

Kasey is more well known in Mep land for having given birth to the Compubeaver.

Kasey appears in this BBtv Compubeaver Ep for a split second before it goes all dramatic prairie dog.

Oh, Akon, you are such a gentleman.

“Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood Ho.”

Oh, stop!  You are too kind.

You can also check out the original “Damn I wish I was Your Lover” by Sophie B. Hawkins if you’d like to see what they had parodied…not as fun, but very 80′s and she actually uses “shucks” as a lyric…

If you’re a British citizen with a vivid imagination, a glance at the 2012 London Olympic festivities could have you branded a trafficker of child pornography.

This week, her majesty’s lawmen passed the Coroners and Justice Bill 2009. An omnibus bill, the Coroners Bill affected many aspects of the British legal system. Most notably, it potentially criminalized the acts of the British design team that submitted their London 2012 Olympic Logo in the style of a cartoon character performing fellatio on the city of London.

Thanks to Coroners and Justice, any person found in possession of an indecent cartoon image of a child is subject to “..a term of imprisonment not exceeding 3 years. By extension, British officials have also criminalized the act of merely possessing such material, as it now makes all website owners (and visitors) who proliferated the logo hypothetically subject to jail time in Britain and/or Northern Ireland.

According to Limey Legislators, once the seed of corruption enters one’s head via the Intrawebs, this evil, pernicious, meme will fully infect one’s entire outlook on life, children, and the triple jump. Once the unsuspecting internet browsers mind is tainted by the LAist’s interpretation of the logo as “Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob,” the innocent bystander can no longer see the image as anything else, including a jazzed up font portraying the numbers 2,0,1,2.

Well done there. Those lads have certainly struck a blow against the corruption of children everywhere — hypothetical, Rorshachian, cartoon children, in any case.

This routine, filmed a couple weeks ago at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade theater, will give you a good sense of Maron’s plodding, dark, self-loathing, intellectual style. He seems equally depressed as the Patron Saint Bill Hicks would be having to face a media world as over commercialized and sold out as ours is.

DATELINE–St. Louis:

“You know, there really can be miracles,” Hilde Reinshocker told a press conference, failing to contain her tears of joy. “I’m just so grateful Hilde has been enduring an unimaginable hell all this time.”

Elba Reinshocker, then 7, was abducted from a supermarket aisle in 1987. Previously presumed to have been raped once or twice and killed, it has recently come to light that Reinshocker was raped in excess of 5,000 times while living in the basement of her captor.

“You have no idea what a relief this is to our family,” noted Bill Harken, the guy that Hilde is dating. “When I first met Hilde, all she could talk about was how much she hoped Elba was in some basement somewhere in America, living what most people consider to be their worst nightmare. She never gave up hope that she had spent the last 22 years in misery and now our prayers have been answered.”

Elba fathered nine of her captor’s children since the Berlin Wall came down, enduring all pregnancies without anesthetics and with the bare minimum of nourishment. Most babies failed to come to term, but those that did were promptly snuffed out with a shovel.

“My only wish,” sighed Hilde toward the end of the press conference, “is that some of those children could have joined Elba in her nightmare. Maybe one of them could have grown up to catch the eye of her captor and they could have shared that experience together.”

Elba herself was mum on the issue of what a relief the last 22 years had been, though she did express happiness that she had not been raped that day. She noted that she was looking forward to a life of unimaginable paranoia and trauma as she dealt with her ordeal.

“I’m hoping to find new ways of feeling awful as I reconcile the pain of my struggle, the guilt at surviving, and the unspeakable horror of wondering if this could happen to me again.”

Hilde concluded with words of hope and encouragement for her fellow mothers who had presumed their children had been put out of a very brief misery after their abduction. “Don’t let anyone tell you they’re gone,” she said. “Keep fighting, keep praying, keep hoping, keep loving. Your child might just be chained up in the only place on Earth worse that Guantanamo Bay. And that thought should fill you with hope.”

Run out of things to watch while at work?

I don’t think it needs any description.

Senavene April 2008

A year ago, I took Senavene to the post office.  She was strapped to my front wearing all pink, half covered in a pink blanket, with a pink pacifier in her mouth.  Why?  We were given LOTS of pink, I swear.  I put “yellow please” on the registry, but I don’t think anyone paid attention.

Anyways, what did the teller ask me?  “How old is he?”  How old is HE?

After 14 months of this, I can honestly say I don’t care that people continue to call her a boy.  I’m told it’s common for babies with very little hair.  Most moms tape a bow to their daughter’s bare heads.  But honestly I don’t care.  I simply respond by telling them how old she is.  I’m more fascinated by how someone’s brain would ignore all the social clues in the form of pink paraphernalia and use the male pronoun.  Not only that, they quite often also say that “he is really beautiful.”  I can’t blame them.  I mean she is gorgeous.

Sent image to Wilhelmina kids, but no response...sigh, there's goes her College Fund

But again, I digress.  My question is: are most people stupid or are their brains on auto-pilot and make errors because there is no gender neutral pronoun?  People can’t say “how old is it?”  That would piss any parent off.  So, they either need a gender neutral pronoun or come up with some convoluted phrasing that sounds weird — “how old is your baby?”  “Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?”

So to continue the sexism, SNL came up with a skit focusing on MALE bald babies.  Because don’t we all feel bad for the bald male babies?

Pay no mind to creating something for the poor, misunderstood FEMALE bald babies.  Well not any more, thanks to the mental prowess of the fine people at Baby Bangs.  So, which one do you think we should get?  We’re taking votes.  I think I’m liking “Fairy Tale Flowers.”

To loosely paraphrase, “C’mon! C’mon! We must have the big blockbustah, super powerful, nuclear, gigantic, molecular destructionating of our sewage systems! Get to the choppah! The choppah! I have Supah Powerful bricks with mortah! C’mon! Leesten to me! Leesten!”

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