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Invincible Waterbears

Apparently, Tardigrades can not only withstand super-extreme temperatures, but can also thrive in the vacuum of space. Doesn’t the prospect of space-enduring critters provide a totally plausible alternative to evolution? I, for one, would like to welcome our new Moss Piglet Overlords and pray that they can defeat our Immortal Jellyfish tormentors.

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Civilization

You blew it all up, you damned dirty buffalo!

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Bonobos

Dems some smart monkeys. Why we not let de Binobos vote in de midterm election?

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Want protection against colds? Just ask a 15th century thief, duh.

So, I totally want this story to be true.  Supposedly there was a group of 15th century thieves that survived the bubonic plague by rubbing a blend of essential oils on their temples before robbing the dead and dying.  So, is it true? Who can find the 1997 studies?

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From the Church of Latter Day Demons

Feeling the holiday season doldrums? Why not open up new terrifying vistas of reality with the Necronomicon? And, if you purchase one in the next two minutes, you’ll receive an ebony Chtulhu-style sacrificial blade at no extra cost!

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The Adventures of Lil’ Cthulhu

Here’s a whimsical piece on the meager beginnings of Goldmann Sachs. Whoops, I suppose this is actually about another Great Devouring Vampire Squid — Cthulhu.

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Portal to Hades Found – AVN Network

This horrifically awesome video comes to us from the surely now defunct, America’s Value Network.

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Speaking of Hicks Disciples…

Here’s the other potential contemporary comedy heir to the throne, Patton Oswalt. While neither Oswalt nor Maron are transcendent figures right now, both carry with them the comedic lineage that goes directly back to Richard Pryor.

Link via Philosophy Monkey.

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The Time Traveler’s Wife Redeemed!

Scientists have recently discovered that mastodons once excreted what has become our canon of elite cinema. This may have prompted Mep Reporter Russ Gooberman to declare the recently-released film “The Time Traveler’s Wife” a “steaming pile of mastodon dung“.

(Here there be spoilers.)

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The Time Traveler’s Wife: A Faux Sci-Fi Chick Flick Disaster

AM:TP final

Last night, at the behest of my girlfriend, I saw the steaming pile of mastodon dung known as The Time Traveler’s Wife. Going in without reading the novel, I carried several misconceptions about the movie. I will now disabuse you of any of said misconceptions that might cause you to accidentally watch this thing…

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