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…without the whole loss of a leg and focus on revenge.
Since I turned 18 and registered to vote, I have been looking forward to the opportunity of doing Jury Duty. As the years passed and people around me got called in, my excitement grew. Their stories of boredom, frustration, and loss of pay were lost on me. I had my eyes on the prize and the prize was Jury Duty.
The MEP Report is first to report on this exclusive. Sources have discovered that Jon, of Jon and Kate plus 8, has an illegitimate son. Most news reports have covered Jon’s affair, and others have picked up on his new girlfriend (way to waste no time at all, Jon…). However, MEP report contacts have informed us that the affair was not just a one night stand! “I could have handled that,” said Kate to a friend, “a simple affair would have been fine…but when I heard he had another child, making his total nine to my eight…I just couldn’t stand for that.”
MEP Report photographers have acquired this exclusive photo.
So, it’s that time of year…time to watch some people do some Shakespeare in some Park.
That’s right…today marks the first day of The Public Theater’s Shakespeare in the Park’s Twelfth Night. They are ALL about bringing that famous bard to the people…for FREE!!! Golly Gee, how nice of them!
I’m SO super excited, this being my favorite play and…OH MY GOD…Anne Hathaway!!! Alright, get out your paper and pen: here are the two simple options for getting free tickets.
Okay, so its not true…but doesn’t she totally look like her? I guess after you’ve been married for 28 years and had seven kids, its time to divorce and have a love-child with a Russian musician.
So, I’ve checked her out and this Oksana is onto something. She had a son with Timothy Dalton three years after he got out of a 14 year relationship with Vanessa Redgrave. She’s brilliant! Find old guys who just get out of long-term relationships, have their baby and then sit pretty in your child-support funded castle in the sky.
I know many would say that voice recognition has come into its own. I know that use of a “speech-enabled system” saves companies money which OF COURSE means price cuts for us the consumers.
BUT I HATE IT!!!!
Okay, so I’ll admit it, I get most of my news from the Daily Show and whatever catches my attention on the front page of msn.com as I’m logging onto my email.
Big news is Miss California claiming she lost her title due to her anti-gay marriage answer during the Miss USA competition. Well, I had to watch the clip, didn’t I?
Well, go ahead if you haven’t already. You know you want to.
Senavene April 2008
A year ago, I took Senavene to the post office. She was strapped to my front wearing all pink, half covered in a pink blanket, with a pink pacifier in her mouth. Why? We were given LOTS of pink, I swear. I put “yellow please” on the registry, but I don’t think anyone paid attention.
Anyways, what did the teller ask me? “How old is he?” How old is HE?
After 14 months of this, I can honestly say I don’t care that people continue to call her a boy. I’m told it’s common for babies with very little hair. Most moms tape a bow to their daughter’s bare heads. But honestly I don’t care. I simply respond by telling them how old she is. I’m more fascinated by how someone’s brain would ignore all the social clues in the form of pink paraphernalia and use the male pronoun. Not only that, they quite often also say that “he is really beautiful.” I can’t blame them. I mean she is gorgeous.
Sent image to Wilhelmina kids, but no response...sigh, there's goes her College Fund
But again, I digress. My question is: are most people stupid or are their brains on auto-pilot and make errors because there is no gender neutral pronoun? People can’t say “how old is it?” That would piss any parent off. So, they either need a gender neutral pronoun or come up with some convoluted phrasing that sounds weird — “how old is your baby?” “Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?”
So to continue the sexism, SNL came up with a skit focusing on MALE bald babies. Because don’t we all feel bad for the bald male babies?
Pay no mind to creating something for the poor, misunderstood FEMALE bald babies. Well not any more, thanks to the mental prowess of the fine people at Baby Bangs. So, which one do you think we should get? We’re taking votes. I think I’m liking “Fairy Tale Flowers.”
For those of you who are good parents and don’t let your child(ren) watch t.v. or who have no child(ren) and therefore you don’t watch kids shows, then you may not know that Sesame Street knows where it’s at. They know that adults are also watching and therefore plan accordingly. They have Hollywood and sports stars do cameos. Elmo tosses in little jokes and puns that only an adult would understand.
Many other shows, on the other hand, do not, and this makes for either annoying or embarrassingly funny moments. Hence, this post thanks to the show “My Friend Rabbit” that our Tivo recorded thinking we might like it and that I watched, then deleted before showing Senavene because it’s retarded and stupid. But before deleting it, I made you a little edited clip. I hope you enjoy. Whether you see what I see and giggle your *&$% off…or you don’t see what I see and enjoy the educational cartoon…either way…enjoy. Please note, that if you are one of those that sees what I see, I highly recommend watching it again and again, each time catching more little silly moments fitting the theme.
I’ve heard there’s an uproar about Nadya Suleman having octuplets. So, as the resident MEP mother I thought I should weigh in and risk putting my hugely opinionated, extremely feathery opinion out there. However, I don’t want to single out Suleman. Yes I know she’s mentally unbalanced and will soon channel all of Storey’s and Russ’ tax money into more Angelina Jolie lip implants (this should be reason enough to dispise her for ruining my bisexual Jolie fantasies). However, that’s not why we should be alarmed and therefore we should not only focus on her.
